


Stranded

by Lumelle



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Grief/Mourning, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-08
Updated: 2016-11-08
Packaged: 2018-08-29 22:06:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8507209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lumelle/pseuds/Lumelle
Summary: Xanxus is dead, and Squalo isn't coping well. Hibari decides to intervene.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I have a headcanon that Hibari will learn to use flames of rage at some point, which I shamelessly included here.
> 
>  **Please note** that this story contains suicidal thoughts, mentions of character death, and references to an unhealthy relationship. Please read accordingly.

The sand burned as it scratched at the small wounds on his good hand, yet Squalo was too tired to do anything about it.

He was only barely sitting up, and even then only out of pure stubbornness. His entire body seemed to be aching with pain and exhaustion and rage, sharp flames of agony licking the inside of his skin whenever he shifted wrong. He was fairly sure he had at least a few broken ribs, and he didn't want to put much weight on his left leg if he could help it. At least the makeshift bandages were holding on, somewhat, judging by the fact he hadn't bled out.

Not yet, anyway. That was another reason he wouldn't let himself fall all the way down to the cold sand. If he had done so, he wasn't sure he would have gotten up again.

It was almost entirely silent, which was something of a relief for his strained ears. The hum of waves and wind was nothing compared with all the screams and shouts and other sounds of battle that had been surrounding him for far too long. These sounds seemed to fade to the background of his mind, not distracting him from the more immediate concerns that kept eating at him.

Not that much could distract him anymore, not now that he was not fighting his way through seemingly endless enemies. It had been so much easier then, not thinking, when he had to focus on his every movement lest it be his last. Now, though, there was nobody left to fight, just him and the sand and the waves, and he stared out to the water dyed red by the dusk and the faint flicker of flames in the background.

Well. Squalo assumed the flames were still going on. He couldn't quite gather the energy to turn around and look, but he didn't imagine a large mansion would have burned out quite so fast. Unless he had lost more time than he had thought, which, well. Wouldn't have been entirely impossible.

He shifted his weight a little, the sand grinding against his bare hand and making him grimace at his own foolishness. His arms were trembling with the effort of leaning back on them, and he could feel his hands already slipping against the shifting sand. If he wanted to leave, he would have to do it soon, before the last shreds of strength slipped from his grasp.

He let his gaze dance along the waves and wondered if the water was terribly cold. Sharks did better in the water, after all, they were strong and unstoppable. As long as they kept on the chase, anyway. A shark who paused in its chase would sink to the bottom, useless and powerless.

Squalo wondered what use he was to anyone, now, having nothing to chase after anymore. Perhaps it would be for the better for him to sink to the bottom and never rise again.

Maybe the water wouldn't be so cold after all. Or if it was, it might numb some of the pain.

There was no sound that caught his attention, not exactly, nor did he see anything out of the corner of his eye. The person approaching was too careful to make such mistakes, after all, walking silently and just out of his reach along the beach, yet Squalo felt the approach. A tingle down his spine, the unmistakable shiver of something or someone dangerous stalking closer.

He was too tired to even stand up, yet he leaned forward enough to get his weight off his arms, flicked out his blade. Perhaps he could not lift it with any sort of strength, but at least he could try.

For all that he might have contemplated the depths of the sea, that didn't mean he was going to allow someone else to make that choice for him.

Squalo turned towards the approaching threat, and then froze. For a moment he almost thought the impossible had happened, felt his heart leaping in useless hope at the familiar silhouette. It was all there, the short messy hair, the long coat fluttering in the strong wind, all thrown in harsh relief against the fading light of the sky. There was a flame, too, one that did not quite illuminate the face, burning bright and wild like actual fire against the rapidly falling dusk.

It was impossible, yet in this moment it seemed just possible enough that he withdrew his blade, tried to hurry up to his feet only to find pain and exhaustion dragging him back down again. He simply sat there on the cold sand, wind whipping his hair over his face as he stared at what had to be either a ghost or some other kind of an apparition.

The figure got closer, still, and Squalo noticed all the things that were wrong about it. It was just a bit too slim for the tall build, walked with the quiet steps of a stalking predator rather than the arrogant strides of self-assured royalty. As they grew closer the flames flared up, casting more light to combat the disappearing traces of lingering sunlight, and he could see the face that was wrong, all wrong.

"What are you doing here?" Squalo was almost startled at how horrid his voice sounded, hoarse and torn, ragged like never before. He had never been particularly merciful to his voice, yet it had never failed him either, not until today.

"I would think it's obvious." Hibari came to a halt a few steps away from him, expression not wavering from his usual studied indifference. "I'm looking for you."

"Well, here I am. Now piss off."

"I think we both know it won't be that easy." Hibari turned his gaze away, away from the sea and towards the mansion up the hill, which Squalo could now see was indeed still on fire. "I see you have been busy."

"They deserved no better." None of them had, not after what they had done. He had long since taken care of the actual culprits, of course, but the entire family had been tainted by association, leaving Squalo with no choice except to wipe out every last one of them or die trying.

And here he was, still breathing if only barely. Damn it all.

"I'm sure they didn't." Hibari knelt down, the edges of his long coat brushing the sand around his knees. He seemed to pay no mind, eyes studying Squalo in the light of the flame. "You look awful."

"I'd like to see you look better after wiping out an entire famiglia." And quite a few allies of said famiglia, but he wasn't about to point out that. They both already knew, after all.

"Yes, well, despite all evidence to the contrary I do not actually have a death wish." Hibari snorted.

"So you would let something like this go unpunished?" Fuck that. He didn't believe that nonsense for a moment, not about Hibari. They all knew Hibari was the most vengeful bastard out of them all when he set his mind to it.

"Of course not. I would, however, at least allow someone to assist me, if I felt they had a stake in the matter as well." It was the truth, Squalo found himself realising, wasn't sure how he felt about that realisation. It was a sign Hibari had grown up somewhere over the years Squalo had known him, had left behind the spiteful brat who had first cast aside the ring battles as unimportant to his order and grown into an adult who at least acknowledged the importance of other people besides himself, even if he wasn't always inclined to respect them.

It was disconcerting. It would have been much easier to dismiss the stupid little brat.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't about to drag the entire Varia with me. They would have made too much noise. It was easier to go on my own."

"I'm sure it was." Hibari's expression shifted now, almost imperceptibly, yet Squalo knew him well enough to tell. "And they might have actually stopped you from seeking your fucking death, right?"

Squalo found himself actually blinking in surprise. It was rare for Hibari to swear, at least in any situation that didn't involve quite a lot less clothing and much more heated touches. If he was openly throwing swear words around, he had to be very serious. "I don't have a death wish either." Whatever he might have thought about the water.

"Really? So if I hadn't approached, you wouldn't have tried to see if you can actually breathe underwater?"

He could have denied it, should have denied it. Instead, he only found himself closing his eyes. "I'm too bloody tired," he murmured. "Tired, and useless."

"And if you are dead, what use will you be to anyone then?"

"At least then I won't have to be around for everyone to see my shame!" The shame that he could never wash off, not even with the blood of all his enemies and the fire on top of the hill.

"What shame?" The question was calm yet pointed, the kind that Hibari was so very good with. "That you were halfway across the globe when your boss was stupid enough to get himself killed?"

"It was my responsibility!" It should have been, yet he had failed it. "I was his second in command! If he died, I should have already been a corpse at his feet!"

"And then you would have been utterly useless as well." Hibari shook his head. "Not even you can keep an eye on the entire world at once. If he got himself in trouble while he had sent you away, that's on him, not you."

"You know it's not that simple." Not when Xanxus was dead in the ground, and Squalo still breathed. "I failed my vow."

"And how did you fail it?" Hibari tilted his head to the side, looking almost bored in a way that made Squalo want to throttle him, if only he hadn't been so fucking exhausted. "From what I have heard, you swore to follow him. You did, except now he's not here, and I don't think either of you expected you to follow him to the grave. You swore to stand by him until he became the tenth, and it's hardly your fault if he failed to keep his end of the bargain."

"Shut up!" Squalo was almost surprised by the venom in his own voice, mostly because he hadn't thought he had the strength left for such anymore. "What would you understand? You've never been loyal to anyone in your life!"

"I take offence at that." Hibari's expression shifted again, somehow turning colder for all that Squalo could not pinpoint what had changed at all. "I am loyal to those I consider mine, be it my home or my pack. However, you are right in that I have never sworn loyalty to anyone I loathed, so in that I cannot understand you."

"I didn't hate him." The lie burned on his tongue.

"Of course you did." And how could Hibari sound so sure of that, so at ease and without any doubt? "He usurped you before you even took your position, he took the lead and failed to bring you the triumph he promised, he used and abused your loyalty as he pleased without ever returning a shred of it. He would have thrown you to the fire without a moment's hesitation if he thought it helped his cause, and yet you stayed loyal to him, because you gave your fucking word before you were old enough to even know what that meant, before you knew the pain and agony of failure and death."

"I won't have someone like you make light of my oath." Not Hibari, who had never put his faith in anything beyond himself only to have that faith betrayed.

"What good is it to either of you now?" If Hibari didn't want Squalo ending himself, he was sure doing a bad job of convincing him to hold on. "He is dead, and you've had your revenge. But unless you plan to indeed end yourself, you need to find something else to do with your life, now. You can't use the excuse of following him anymore." Hibari's voice dropped, only barely audible beneath the hum of the waves and the crackling of the fire still cradled on his palm. "It's time to grow up, Superbi Squalo. Time to choose your own path."

"I chose my own path from the start."

"Perhaps. And then you threw it away for the man whose rage was greater than your own. You were a fucking child, blinded by a light brighter than yours, but now that light is gone and unless you find a new one you'll be sinking into darkness."

Squalo chuckled, though it came out more like a sob, a broken little sound that hurt his dry lips. "I think I liked it better when all your metaphors involved animals."

"Then how about this?" If Hibari was amused, he didn't show it, eyes steady on Squalo. "The alpha of your pack is gone. You can either take charge of your own life, or roll over and die waiting for him to come home. Because he won't. You know that, even if some part of you might still hope."

"Is that why you came here in that outfit?" He waved his hand at Hibari's coat, the one he rarely wore outside battle, when he brought out his full power. The flame was even less ordinary a sight, rare enough that only a handful of people even knew Hibari possessed it, that lighting his flames with anger ran deeper than anyone would have thought. It had to be deliberate, someone like Hibari did not do anything without thinking it through, least of all creating such a similar silhouette for Squalo's tired eyes to be fooled by.

"Perhaps." Hibari's eyes flickered over to the flame on his hand. "Did it work?"

"Work to do what?" He might have thought this was some sort of a sick joke, except Hibari didn't waste his time on such things. "If you want me to follow you, you're going to be disappointed." He might have followed Xanxus's rage, but that didn't mean he was going to tag along with anyone who could light the flames of rage.

"Don't be ridiculous." Hibari snorted, the flame on his palm dying out. For a moment they were plunged into almost complete darkness, only the shimmer of the fire in the distance casting any light across the empty beach, the light in the sky having died out in the meantime. Then it was replaced by the purple tendrils of his cloud flames, bursting out from his bracelet instead of dancing across his hand. The light was different, softer as it twisted the hues of everything, yet the eyes locked on Squalo's were as steady as ever. "We all know it would be a disaster in every imaginable way."

"Then why?" Why couldn't he just let Squalo sit here in peace until he either came to a decision or finally succumbed to his wounds. "What are you doing here in the first place?"

"Oh, a couple of things." Hibari shrugged. "For one thing, Dino wanted me to find you. He would have come along except he was too tied up. As you can imagine, things are a bit of a mess all across the alliance with an assassination and all of Varia thrown into chaos. So, I came on my own. It was fairly easy in the end, tracking you along the path of destruction."

"Right." Of course it would be Dino, stupid sentimental horse who couldn't even let him despair in peace. "So, you found me. Now what?"

"Well, I told Dino I would bring you home alive if I could." Hibari stood up again, strengthening the flame probably without even thinking to keep them both in the sphere of the light despite his moving away, turning his gaze towards the sea. "But if I were to come a bit too late, well, he would not blame me for it, I don't think."

Squalo made to respond, but any words he might have imagined died in his throat. That was… well. He might have said it was not what he expected, but really, it was exactly what he should have expected of Hibari. The cloud wasn't the kind of person who would take the decision of life and death out of his hands.

"However, while I'm willing to avert my eyes if you want me to, in return I want you to listen to me first."

"I'm not going anywhere in a hurry." Was starting to wonder if he would even have the strength to drag himself into the water.

"Good." Hibari nodded, still not looking at him. "If you die, those who killed Xanxus will have won."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?" They lay dead now, every last one of them. And before even that, they had accomplished their goal. Xanxus was dead, more surely so than after years of ice and isolation and pain, Xanxus was dead and he would never come back and Squalo was still breathing.

"The Varia is in shambles." For a moment Squalo almost thought Hibari had simply sidestepped his question, only to suddenly realise this was, in fact, Hibari's answer to his question. "The officers may all be strong on their own, but that only makes them all the more unmanageable now that they have nobody to direct that strength. If left to their own devices, they will soon tear the entire organisation apart, if it will not simply fall down and shatter. They are weapons, always have been, but we both know the destruction a weapon may cause when it has no steady hand to wield it."

"Get to the point." Even though Squalo had a sinking feeling he already knew what Hibari was getting at.

"You have to lead the Varia."

"No." The word was more of a breath than a proper utterance, but he was fairly sure Hibari heard it anyway.

"You are the only one who can do it." Hibari ignored his protest, pushing on. "You were the one who kept everything together while Xanxus was frozen, you were still the one who ran things after he came back. He may have given you all a direction, yet you were the one who kept everything together. Now they have no direction and no one to bind them together, because there is nobody strong enough left to take charge."

"That can't be me." Not after Xanxus. Never after Xanxus.

"And why not? It was supposed to be you, before Xanxus ever came along. You did it well enough for eight years."

"I'm not him." Had failed him, in every way possible.

"Good. Maybe now we can finally stop wondering if our own assassination squad will make targets of us instead, again." And, yes, things were definitely serious if Hibari was including himself in the Vongola. Most of the time he barely even acknowledged any connection to them, for all that he carried a Vongola gem at his wrist.

"I will not be Sawada's lapdog."

"Of course not. But if you swear to serve Vongola first, even as Varia stays as free and independent as it has been before, I doubt anyone would question that oath." Hibari paused. "Everyone knows Superbi Squalo does not go back on his word."

"I failed my word." They both knew it was true, for all that Hibari tried to deny it. "The Varia would not want me to lead them, even if I agreed."

"And why don't you ask them about it?"

There was something about the way Hibari said it, something about his tone of voice, that made Squalo freeze. "You didn't."

"Only Lussuria is here." Of course he had. "And he has agreed to stay back until and unless I give the signal. However, I can assure you he does not think you failed. None of them do."

"Then they are wrong." Then they couldn't see the true depths of Squalo's misery.

"And why? They couldn't keep Xanxus alive, either, even though some of them were much closer at the time. You have at least had revenge, have tracked down those responsible and made them pay. You are the only steady thing they have left, the only one they can trust in. If you wish to shatter, that's your own prerogative, but you must know that you will be leaving them with nobody to turn to."

Squalo was quiet, turning his gaze back to the sea. The wind had picked up, throwing strands of hair in front of his face. They fluttered in the wind, mocking him with the promise he hadn't been able to keep.

The blade was out before he could even truly think about it, his hand already rising for all that he lacked the strength. Hibari did not react, for all that he had to notice it, didn't flinch or draw away or even turn to look at him. He stood utterly still even as the wind threw the hem of his coat about, the light of his flame steady in the darkness for all that the soft tendrils looked like they would disperse in the wind at any moment.

It took all his strength to lift his arms, yet somehow Squalo managed to lift his good hand up, gathering the dancing strands of hair all in one, ignoring the ache in his wounds. Moving the blade was even more of an effort, his arms were tired and he was fairly sure the prosthetic was beyond repair, but he could at least bring it forward as he pulled his hair over his shoulder.

"I need you to do something for me." His words seemed to fade into the wind, but he trusted Hibari would hear him anyway. Hibari would be paying very close attention indeed, there was no way he didn't, not with Squalo's blade lingering mere inches from his own neck.

That would definitely be a messy way to go. Probably faster than the freezing water, though.

Hibari nodded, only a brief movement yet undeniable. "If it's within my ability."

It was a more open promise than he had expected, from someone as suspicious as Hibari could be even under the best of circumstances, but he wasn't going to complain. He yanked the blade, and for a split second even Squalo himself wasn't sure which way it was going.

His hand grasped even tighter on the strands of hair as they were cut free from his head, leaving the shortened ends fluttering all around his face.

"Burn these." He would have thought it a difficult request, had expected the words would be slow to roll off his tongue, yet he found them leaving him in a rush, as though he were just trying to get the pain over with. Hibari seemed to understand, because he wasted no time in stepping closer, taking the long strands from Squalo's hand before he could change his mind.

The flame shifted again, from the soft tones of the cloud to the flames of rage, the flame that only a select few were ever supposed to wield, the will and determination that burned like real fire. It certainly caught the dregs of Squalo's hair eagerly enough, dancing along the silvery lengths with a bitter smell for all that the wind fought to put out the flames. Hibari let go a moment later, as the fire crept close to his hand, yet by the time the wind had thrown the remnants into the waves there was nothing left but ashes.

The wind was cold on the back of Squalo's neck, biting there in a way he could barely even remember from the days before Xanxus, yet he wasn't sure that was why he shivered.

"May I call Lussuria?" And Hibari actually asked, Hibari Kyouya of all people was asking, and for all that Squalo could not quite bring his heavy tongue to move anymore Hibari caught his tired nod anyway.

There was a flash, the entire beach bathed in purple flames for only a moment, and not for the first time Squalo wondered how there were enough hateful things in the world to make one man feel anger strong enough to fuel this fire. It all died down the next moment, the burning rage and the endless clouds both, leaving only the softest purple shimmer lingering around them. It was enough, though, he knew as much, heard the approaching footsteps and the worried call of his name, and oh fuck, Lussuria was actually worried, despite all the mess that had to be going on back home Lussuria was worried over him of all people.

He started to fall back, yet Hibari was right there to catch him, a surprisingly gentle arm reaching around his shoulders, and again Squalo found himself wondering when the spiteful brat had grown up. The young Hibari would have let him fall, no doubt, yet this grown one was supporting his weight and not moving away.

"Varia needs you," Hibari murmured even as Squalo heard the sounds of Lussuria's worry coming closer still. "Dino needs you."

There might have been more words lost in the wind and the darkness that rushed to engulf him, a quiet confession of someone else needing him as well, but Squalo figured they could address that once he was awake again.

The water would probably have been cold, anyway.


End file.
